1) I have a new job. It was my 3rd day today. So far so good – it is challenging and I have a lot more to learn. At least that’ll keep me on my toes. Suddenly I feel my ambitious horns come out. I’d never been the ambitious sort. I’d always been afraid to excel, as if it were a bad thing to do. I guess what I was afraid of was the possible failure if I’d put myself out there and not succeeded. Of course, I’m turning 26 next month. I have no more grandeur delusions nor fear of failure anymore. Of course I am afraid to fail, but now I see failure differently than as I used to. Now I think if I don’t give it my all, then I have failed.
Often I look at people younger than me who have gone further in their careers because they’d studied lesser and I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy. I know I shouldn’t; everyone’s journey is different. I then try to remember my own journey, the highs and lows. And the same people keep popping up in my head, the same people who’d always been there for me: my dad, the dolls, some of my secondary school friends, a couple of my poly-mates, my twin across the atlantic and of course some people I met in Perth. I keep telling myself how truly blessed I am to have these people in my life.
Recently I have this reminder of my mortality again – I know I will die one day. Everyone knows that. But what does that REALLY mean? When I was little I obsessed a lot over what happens after you it, but now I am more concerned about living the life that’s right in God’s eyes before I die. I keep telling a few people lately that we have only one life, we can not be certain that there is reincarnation or a second chance, but I am certain that I have this time now – as I breathe and make words on my keyboard. If I don’t do what I want to in this life – then most likely I won’t have the chance to do it after I die. So what’s the point of living to please other people when I should be concerned about pleasing God ?
And of course I am single once again. I just could not lie to anyone. Perhaps this is my time to renew myself, and I need to be alone. Sure, it’ll be nice to have someone to cuddle up to every now and again, to have that constant company so there’d be no lonely nights. Somehow the thought of that doesn’t appeal to me very much at the moment. I am loving my solidarity and I can’t imagine falling in love with anyone. I have forgotten what it feels like, I think.
It’s 12am. 7.5 more hours until I get up. Gonna get a shower, do some reading and go to bed. Good night everyone.
God bless,
xx
July 1, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Congratulations on the job as a Property Manager. Which company is it for? Property Management can be very tough. I hope you’re good at arguing and sticking to your guns!
This year, Pope Benedict declared it the Paulian year. As you may be aware, Paul was quite hard-headed, but very determined. Paul said, “But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist… I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4) Perhaps the words of St Paul are something to think about.